It's my first day at work tomorrow, the last five years I've worked up until this point and I'm terrified. Logically, there's no need to feel terrified, the first few weeks are mainly induction and being supernumerary. It's that bit afterwards, where you're looking after women and wondering where your mentor is, the real midwife. And actually, it's me. I'm the real midwife now. I'm the one that makes decisions about women's care, that advocates for them, that juggles between wanting to help that family who desperately want to go home with their baby and all the discharge paperwork that goes with it when I have other women that need medication, observations needing to be done, breastfeeding support and chasing the paediatricians to do that baby check. It'll be me that will be watching that CTG for any deviations from normal. It'll be me ensuring that mum and baby are both safe, that their transtion from one whole person to two is as seamless as possible, and that their birthing partner has enough coffee to see them through the night.
And amongst all this I need to be a mum. They need me as much, if not more than those women do. It's a big responsibility, a huge responsibility. I've been waiting for this. I'm ready now.
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